1. The theme ‘Relate’ is really the crux of our existence, kindly shed more light on it.

This month, we want to focus on relationships. When you study the Bible or even our day-to-day existence, you will find out that relationships are the platform God has given us to access the best He has to offer. It is the platform for us to become who He has created us to be.

From the very beginning, God has always said, that it is not good for man to be alone (Gen. 2:18) and in Eccl. 4:9, the Bible says, two are better than one. You will find out that, there is nothing major that has ever happened in your life that did not come through the pathway of one relationship, or the other starting with your relationship with God. You will also realize, that the weaker the relationship with God, the less capable we are of becoming all He created us to be. The weaker your relationship with others, the less your chances of reaching your goals. No man can thrive alone.

Our relationship with God gives us life, power, wisdom, and direction. When you have a relationship with God that is not growing, or even non-existent, you will discover that you are not able to achieve your goals. If you do not have a good relationship with men or women. Rebecca’s relational skills positioned her to be found by Isaac (Gen. 24). When you get married, if you do not have a good relationship with your spouse, you will not be happy. At work, you cannot make money, if you are bad with relationships. No one would work with you in a team if you have bad relationships.

There is no running away from relationships, as it is a blessing God has given us. Ultimately, our chances of becoming all God wants us to be, is significantly impacted by the quality of our relationships.

2. It is popularly said that relationships are currencies, what practical ways can we build relationships?

Throughout this month of May as a church, these are the studies we would be undertaking.

There are 3 pivotal things that help relationships.

• This is the golden rule, which is, ‘Do unto others, what you want them to do to you.’ (Matthew 7: 12). If you do not want to be judged unfairly, then do not judge people unfairly. If you want to receive generously from people, then you have to give generously. I always use an illustration of an email. If you do not send me an email, it is unlikely that you will receive an email from me. If you want to hear from someone, the first thing to do is to send him a message.
• The second, which is not so common, is the platinum rule, which is, ‘Relate with people, the way they want to be related to’. The Bible says honour all men (1 Peter 2:17). Most people want to be respected. If someone wants respect, then give them respect. The Bible says wives submit to your husbands (Eph. 5: 22). The reason why God gave that instruction, is because respect is a big need the man has. God made man to crave respect, and if you want a man to treat you right, then respect him. The same Bible says, husbands should love their wives sacrificially (Ephesians 5:25), and He gave that instruction because He created women with a primal need to be loved. The female gender prefers someone that treats them special. Therefore, if you to relate to a lady, either to woo her or to enjoy her in marriage, just love her, and tender towards her, and you can be sure, she will give you double your investment.
• The third and the most pivotal thing is ‘Have an understanding of people.’ Most of us have an understanding of food, cars, phones, but do not have an understanding of how people are. People are flesh and blood with emotions. God gave us emotions and we have to understand the emotion of normal people. You have to understand that if you are not sensitive to people’s emotions, you would not get the best out of them. In the business world, we call this emotional intelligence. Each one of us must consciously build emotional intelligence, and this has different levels. A part of emotional intelligence involves, first of all, knowing yourself and knowing the great effect you have on people, knowingly or unknowingly. For example, as a person, I tend to be very forceful, and it’s the way I am wired. As I grow in emotional intelligence, I recognize that my forcefulness can cross a boundary, and make life unpleasant for others who are less intense. So, if I want to have a successful relationship with that person, I must moderate my forcefulness, so that I do not push them away. Know yourself, know other people, know their needs and just generally practice moderation. The Bible preaches about moderation in all things (Phil. 4: 5). For example, if you are someone who likes your space, you must moderate that need by recognizing that you are married, have children or have colleagues at work. You must know how to balance that because if you tend to love your space, chances are that when people are around, you get irritable after some time. You must know how to withdraw, and get your ‘me’ moments so that when you interact with people, you have enough energy before you withdraw to yourself.

3. Sir, what pearls of wisdom do you have for us to have successful relationships?

Above all things, to build successful relationships, and get the best out of relationships, you must value relationships, and value people. God values people, and we should also. You cannot treat people like trash, and expect them to treat you like gold!

There are so many things the Bible teaches us about our relations with people. For example, it teaches us gratitude. There are severe consequences to ingratitude, as far as the Bible is concerned. It says, he that repays evil when someone does you good, evil will never leave his house (Prov. 17:13). Never repay evil for evil, talk less of repaying evil, when you have received good. The Bible also talks about suspending judgment. The first to state a matter is right until the other party comes. Believe the best about people. The Bible says, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report, if there be any virtue, if be any praise, think on these things (Phil. 4:8)

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Olusola is the Senior Pastor of RCCG NewSprings, a passionate teacher of the word of God and an accomplished Human Resources Consultant.